You're Not Alone
Death is very hard to explain to children. The finality of death is a concept that is difficult for us to grasp, let alone a young child. But what they can grasp is that when someone dies, we miss them. And they can understand that when people we love die, we need other people to comfort us. This month’s song gives words for that concept. In November, we celebrate All Saints Day. We remember those who have gone before us, who have shown us the way of God. These are the people who have become our Cloud of Witnesses, the people we look to when we aren’t sure how to live a life of faith. They have been our example, and they help us know how to be faithful to Jesus. Jesus himself is our ultimate saint, the ultimate one that we follow.
Read It
|
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God. |
|
Do It
Set out candles for each person close to your family who has died (we did our children’s great-grandparents, plus a very close friend). Light each candle, and as you do, thank God for that person. We kept it very simple - “Thank you, God, for Evelyn.” End with talking about those who have died (this works best for older children), singing a song (we sang “Angel Band”), playing “You’re Not Alone” on your CD, or saying a longer prayer of thanks for your family’s cloud of witnesses and for the comfort the people of God have been to you when they died. This was a practice that connected surprisingly with our rambunctious 2-year-old, who still often says a prayer of thanks for a great-grandparent when we light candles.
Pray It
Thank you, God, for our cloud of witnesses. Thank you for all the saints who have gone before us. When we’re sad, when we miss them, help us to feel the comfort of your people and know we are not alone. Amen.
Sing It
Explore It
Some tips for explaining death to children
-Use concrete language. Words like “we lost grandpa” or “he passed away” or “he’s gone” cause confusion. “He died” may be harder to say, but it’s more helpful.
-Encourage your child to talk about the person who died. Remember things about them, saying little prayers of thanks for them.
-It’s not God’s fault when someone dies. Telling a child things like, “I guess God needed Grandma in heaven” may sound nice, but is really not helpful for a child’s developing theology.
-Answering the question about where the person went is really hard! Allow for some mystery, it’s okay to not really know a complete answer to this one. Say something like, “There is a lot we don’t know about heaven or about what happens when we die, but what we do know is that Great-Grandma is with God.” Avoid telling them things that are not actually backed up by the Bible, like, “Great-Grandpa is watching over you now.”
-When your child asks, “Will I ever see him again?” try again not to be too specific. A simple answer can be, “Yes, one day we will all be with God.”
-Children re-visit trauma as they get older. Some need to almost relive it and process it at each developmental stage. Be ready to come back to things over and over. And if it’s someone extremely close to the child, consider counseling (pre-emptively) to help them work through it.
-Use concrete language. Words like “we lost grandpa” or “he passed away” or “he’s gone” cause confusion. “He died” may be harder to say, but it’s more helpful.
-Encourage your child to talk about the person who died. Remember things about them, saying little prayers of thanks for them.
-It’s not God’s fault when someone dies. Telling a child things like, “I guess God needed Grandma in heaven” may sound nice, but is really not helpful for a child’s developing theology.
-Answering the question about where the person went is really hard! Allow for some mystery, it’s okay to not really know a complete answer to this one. Say something like, “There is a lot we don’t know about heaven or about what happens when we die, but what we do know is that Great-Grandma is with God.” Avoid telling them things that are not actually backed up by the Bible, like, “Great-Grandpa is watching over you now.”
-When your child asks, “Will I ever see him again?” try again not to be too specific. A simple answer can be, “Yes, one day we will all be with God.”
-Children re-visit trauma as they get older. Some need to almost relive it and process it at each developmental stage. Be ready to come back to things over and over. And if it’s someone extremely close to the child, consider counseling (pre-emptively) to help them work through it.
|
This year’s faith practices go with songs from the CD “New World Coming,” by Bryan Moyer Suderman. They work well on their own, but if you want a bonus for your family’s experience, buy a CD to listen to for the year.
|
