APRIL: THE GAMES WE PLAY
Micah 6:8 (King James Version)
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
Read It: Philippians 2:3-4
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Concept:
I recently heard a preacher say that one of our biggest challenges in understanding God’s world, which is based on eternal love, is our own North American culture, which is based on competition. Hard words, but ones we would do well to give some attention to. We live in a capitalistic society. Competition is essential to capitalism. By virtue of being formed where we are, we have been steeped in a value of competition.
And competition is not bad, in and of itself! A little friendly competition is great fun and can incentivize us to learn skills like teamwork, collaboration, and determination. Losing helps us learn that we won’t always get what we want, and has the potential to teach us how to be gracious when that happens. But living a life that has competition rather than love as its driving force is simply not aligned with the way of Jesus.
So how do we, slowly and intentionally, check ourselves and tilt that needle toward love? This month is all about movement from lives driven by competition toward lives driven by scripture like, “He has shown you, o mortal, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you? But to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
I recently heard a preacher say that one of our biggest challenges in understanding God’s world, which is based on eternal love, is our own North American culture, which is based on competition. Hard words, but ones we would do well to give some attention to. We live in a capitalistic society. Competition is essential to capitalism. By virtue of being formed where we are, we have been steeped in a value of competition.
And competition is not bad, in and of itself! A little friendly competition is great fun and can incentivize us to learn skills like teamwork, collaboration, and determination. Losing helps us learn that we won’t always get what we want, and has the potential to teach us how to be gracious when that happens. But living a life that has competition rather than love as its driving force is simply not aligned with the way of Jesus.
So how do we, slowly and intentionally, check ourselves and tilt that needle toward love? This month is all about movement from lives driven by competition toward lives driven by scripture like, “He has shown you, o mortal, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you? But to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Pray It God, help us to treat others with loving kindness, to show mercy, to care more about justice than about winning, and to know that other people are just as important as we are. Amen.
Do It:
Game Playing: Tweak your game mindset! A few years ago, our family was playing games with another family. Our son and their son were playing Uno, and our son won the round. As they began a new game, he told the other little boy, “Okay, you get to go first!” The other child said, “No, the winner gets to go first.” This began a great conversation between our families about how we structure the rules of games. And at the end of the conversation, our friend said, “You need to put this on Building Faith!” Take a look at how you play a typical game, and consider what little tweaks you can make to help the game embody your values of justice and mercy. Here are a few examples to get you started:
Self Checks: Check your own and your household decision-making. Ask questions like:
Game Playing: Tweak your game mindset! A few years ago, our family was playing games with another family. Our son and their son were playing Uno, and our son won the round. As they began a new game, he told the other little boy, “Okay, you get to go first!” The other child said, “No, the winner gets to go first.” This began a great conversation between our families about how we structure the rules of games. And at the end of the conversation, our friend said, “You need to put this on Building Faith!” Take a look at how you play a typical game, and consider what little tweaks you can make to help the game embody your values of justice and mercy. Here are a few examples to get you started:
- Winner’s privilege vs. even field: Like the example above, there are a lot of things we naturally do to privilege the winner. Winner gets to go first in the next round, winner gets to choose the next game, etc. What about flipping that on its head? Loser gets to go first. Loser gets to choose the next game. Or - loser gets to choose who goes first in the next game. Also maybe calling the person who doesn’t come in first the “loser” could be re-examined…
- Even number of turns: Games are often all about turn-taking. When someone wins, sometimes playing out the rest of the turns would result in a tie. So play out the turns. For example, when our family plays Uno, we often end up with two winners. One person goes out, but when we give everyone even turns and play out the round, a second person also goes out.
- Playing for common welfare vs. for personal gain/hurting the competition: The game of Sorry is a great example here. In our household, my husband grew up getting others off the board whenever possible, and I grew up playing for the bigger picture, which often meant not getting others out when I could. At the beginning of our marriage (yes, we played this simple child’s game a lot in those early years!), my husband would get so confused by how I could consistently win when I didn’t knock him out nearly as much as I could. I won because knocking someone else down really doesn’t insure one’s own success. Kindness, even in a game of luck like Sorry, works. We see this in other games, like Scrabble or SkipBo, when a player hoards cards or tiles to make the other unable to play. It’s a tactic, but it often only frustrates everyone.
- Attitudes with winning and losing: What we model as parents/caregivers matters. We can play a game well and put ourselves into it, but hold the winning/losing lightly. Model rejoicing with others when they have a stroke of luck or a good play. Model kindness and humility. And invite this same attitude from your child.
- All of the above ideas are ones that can be done within the rules of the game. You might want to take it a step further and modify the game to be more just, or even to play collaboratively.
Self Checks: Check your own and your household decision-making. Ask questions like:
- Why do we want to do this?
- How does this decision show love for others and the earth?
- Will this activity for our family or child foster a center of loving kindness, or will it only foster a center of competition?
Explore it: A Note from Tami
My favorite games for everyone, but especially for young children, are more cooperative than competitive. But, most games available have a decided competitive slant. And that isn’t all bad! We learn so much through the give and take of games. Our challenge is to help games be a positive and enjoyable experience for all even when there is a winner in the end. Balance playing competitive games by including games that are designed specifically for cooperation rather than competition.
Following are a few ideas for cooperative games:
* Active games: 20 best cooperative games for kids to foster teamwork and collaboration
* Cooperative board games
I remember my little girl (yes, the one who now provides excellent input for parents on this website) struggling so much when she lost in games with her older sister. The age and skill level differences guaranteed that she was likely to lose more than win. She would sometimes cheat to win or fall apart when she lost. I didn’t find a magic wand to help her overcome it quickly, but ideas like the ones in these articles helped us guide her towards enjoying games without losing her sense of wellbeing when she lost.
* Talking to your child about winning and losing
* Winning and losing; Helping children learn to accept defeat gracefully
* How to help children win even when they lose
My favorite games for everyone, but especially for young children, are more cooperative than competitive. But, most games available have a decided competitive slant. And that isn’t all bad! We learn so much through the give and take of games. Our challenge is to help games be a positive and enjoyable experience for all even when there is a winner in the end. Balance playing competitive games by including games that are designed specifically for cooperation rather than competition.
Following are a few ideas for cooperative games:
* Active games: 20 best cooperative games for kids to foster teamwork and collaboration
* Cooperative board games
I remember my little girl (yes, the one who now provides excellent input for parents on this website) struggling so much when she lost in games with her older sister. The age and skill level differences guaranteed that she was likely to lose more than win. She would sometimes cheat to win or fall apart when she lost. I didn’t find a magic wand to help her overcome it quickly, but ideas like the ones in these articles helped us guide her towards enjoying games without losing her sense of wellbeing when she lost.
* Talking to your child about winning and losing
* Winning and losing; Helping children learn to accept defeat gracefully
* How to help children win even when they lose