MAY: PRACTICING MICAH 6:8 AT MEALTIMES
Micah 6:8 (King James Version)
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
Read It: Micah 6:8
Concept:
Everyone has to eat. Theoretically, mealtimes should be the lowest-hanging fruit for family rituals and togetherness. But mealtimes can be so hard. I recently asked a group of parents to give some wisdom on mealtime practices (you’ll see what they came up with below!), but first, we listed out the challenges. There were many, from timing to food preferences to parental exhaustion to food baggage. To name a few.And yet. There can be so much beauty in a household coming together for a meal, and practicing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly during it. There is a reason that so many stories of the Bible center around shared meals and food. Abram and Sarai entertain angels over a meal. Joseph makes meals possible for a generation of people in Egypt and beyond. The Israelites remember their story of liberation over a special meal. Abigail saves her husband’s life with a picnic. Jesus and his disciples feed 5,000 people a meal. Post-resurrection, followers recognize Jesus when he breaks bread with them over a shared meal. Eating together is a place where everyday, bodily needs meet divine love. This month’s practices are ideas of ways to help mealtimes become a sacred (and yes, messy) space. Hint: Don’t try to do them all. Choose one to try. Then, when that one has become habit and doesn’t take as much energy and planning, maybe you want to add another.
Everyone has to eat. Theoretically, mealtimes should be the lowest-hanging fruit for family rituals and togetherness. But mealtimes can be so hard. I recently asked a group of parents to give some wisdom on mealtime practices (you’ll see what they came up with below!), but first, we listed out the challenges. There were many, from timing to food preferences to parental exhaustion to food baggage. To name a few.And yet. There can be so much beauty in a household coming together for a meal, and practicing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly during it. There is a reason that so many stories of the Bible center around shared meals and food. Abram and Sarai entertain angels over a meal. Joseph makes meals possible for a generation of people in Egypt and beyond. The Israelites remember their story of liberation over a special meal. Abigail saves her husband’s life with a picnic. Jesus and his disciples feed 5,000 people a meal. Post-resurrection, followers recognize Jesus when he breaks bread with them over a shared meal. Eating together is a place where everyday, bodily needs meet divine love. This month’s practices are ideas of ways to help mealtimes become a sacred (and yes, messy) space. Hint: Don’t try to do them all. Choose one to try. Then, when that one has become habit and doesn’t take as much energy and planning, maybe you want to add another.
Pray It
Here are some options! Try them out, and alter one or adopt one as your mealtime prayer.
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. (Author Unknown)
(Author Unknown)
may be strong in body
and grow in your love.
(From Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, A Book of Blessings, 156)
Here are some options! Try them out, and alter one or adopt one as your mealtime prayer.
- God of our past, present and future, dwell with us today. (Talashia Keim Yoder)
- For food in a world where many walk in hunger;
For friends in a world where many walk alone;
We give you thanks, O Lord. (Author Unknown)
- May this food restore our strength, giving new energy to tired limbs, new thoughts to weary minds. May this drink restore our souls, giving new vision to dry spirits, new warmth to cold hearts.
(Author Unknown)
- Bless this food
may be strong in body
and grow in your love.
(From Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, A Book of Blessings, 156)
- Creator, this food has already been blessed by your sun and rain and earth. Now bless our taste buds and our noses as we eat it, and bless our hearts and eyes and ears as we share it together. (Talashia Keim Yoder)
Do It:
These ideas for mealtime intentionality are based around some broader categories. Think through your mealtime challenges, and let that guide you in which you choose to try!
What We Eat and When We Eat It: Meal-planning, particularly around the dietary needs and preferences of a family, can be an overwhelming chore. Often, one parent does the majority of the meal-planning, and this can become a daily (or thrice daily) headache. Here are a few ideas:
Where We Eat: The group of parents I talked with had a lot to say on this subject! The common wisdom was that it’s important to eat together as a household, gathered around some sort of table or table-like area. And they agreed with health experts everywhere that eating in front of a screen as a daily practice isn’t healthy. But they also agreed that the family table is also often the Land of Piles, and clearing it to eat is a daily frustration.
Words We Say: There is a rhythm to a meal that comes partly from what we eat and where we eat it, but also comes from the words we say.
These ideas for mealtime intentionality are based around some broader categories. Think through your mealtime challenges, and let that guide you in which you choose to try!
What We Eat and When We Eat It: Meal-planning, particularly around the dietary needs and preferences of a family, can be an overwhelming chore. Often, one parent does the majority of the meal-planning, and this can become a daily (or thrice daily) headache. Here are a few ideas:
- “Don’t yuck on someone else’s yum.” This increasingly popular phrase can be a helpful one. When we all understand that what is not delicious to us may be delicious to someone else, we tend to be more open to that food. This is something parents/caregivers need to practice, too! When we began using this phrase, my youngest called me on the face I made when I needed to pick meat off of bones (my yuck, his yum).
- “Eat the rainbow.” Here’s a video to watch with your kids (or by yourself) to help you understand how this works. Remember - only natural colors work with eating the rainbow - food dye doesn’t count! Also - this only works if the grown-ups do it too. Model what you hope for from the children. This may mean getting over some of your own food preferences. For example, I never knew that my dad didn’t like green beans very much, because he always took a small helping and ate them.
- Prepare the meal together. Children are far more likely to try foods when they help prepare them. Do kids in the kitchen mean more work for grown-ups? Usually. So maybe you don’t collaborate on every meal. But bringing them into the kitchen doesn’t just pay off immediately. It pays off in the future! Our 11 and 14 year old sons regularly cook delicious family dinners from scratch, and it’s because they were in the kitchen making a mess with us from the time they were little. Tasks for really little ones include dumping ingredients together, mixing, taste-testing, and handing ingredients to the grown-up. Soon, they can measure ingredients and peel vegetables. And a child can safely chop food at a surprisingly young age - they just need training and supervision. We have loved this knife and peeler set from Ikea. It’s possible to cut oneself, of course, but the design makes it easier for a child to use safely.
- Let kids plate their own food. They are more likely to eat what they put on their own plate.
- Keep it simple. Sometimes an elaborate meal can be really fun to create. But it’s also okay to go simple. Find a kind of soup everyone likes, make a huge batch, freeze it in meal-size containers, and eat it every week. Eat sandwiches, veggies with hummus, and some fruit for every summer lunch.
- One woman in our group lived in the Netherlands for over a decade. In her home, they have adopted the Dutch cultural practice of eating very simple food, and eating multiple times a day. Coffee breaks in the morning and afternoon are just as important as lunch and supper, and they are a time to step away from work and play, sit together, and enjoy food and drink. Multiple little meals can take away the pressure for “what to make for dinner.”
- Share the load. If one person in your household carries the weight of meal planning and cooking, find a way for them to have a day every week when they don’t have to think about it. And share the clean-up duties with the whole family.
- When life gets crazy, when can we sit down together and eat? Whenever it works! There are days when sitting down for supper together just isn’t going to work. So sit down for a bedtime snack instead. Connecting daily at the table is more important than eating the exact same meal together every day.
Where We Eat: The group of parents I talked with had a lot to say on this subject! The common wisdom was that it’s important to eat together as a household, gathered around some sort of table or table-like area. And they agreed with health experts everywhere that eating in front of a screen as a daily practice isn’t healthy. But they also agreed that the family table is also often the Land of Piles, and clearing it to eat is a daily frustration.
- Have a “designated empty surface.” Maybe it’s not your whole table, but just an end of it. Tape off the area and let nothing go in it! It’s amazing how much less overwhelming it is to sit down together when you don’t have to clean off the space first.
- Some families have a kitchen table for every day, a dining table for company. Some eat on a deck or a picnic table (or blanket) whenever the weather allows. Eating in various places is great! It’s also another decision to make, so it’s a good idea to have a norm that you don’t have to think about.
- How will you serve the food? Do you plate it or pass it? Both methods can work well, although dieticians who work with intuitive eating recommend that families pass food instead of having parents plate it. And passing food around a table is a good skill to have.
Words We Say: There is a rhythm to a meal that comes partly from what we eat and where we eat it, but also comes from the words we say.
- Begin with a prayer - maybe the same one for every meal so no one has to make decisions about words! See the “Pray It” section for prayer ideas. Some families also like to light a candle (or a battery-operated candle) to signify that this begins our family time.
- Meals are a good time to check in with each other - to learn about each other’s days, to make plans, to process life. Sometimes it’s helpful to have some rituals for helping everyone around the table share. Here are some ideas:
- Bloom, Bud and Thorn: This adaptation on Rose and Thorn comes from Jonathan Reuel. Let each person share about a bloom (something that really shone and was wonderful that day), a bud (some promising potential they observed), and a thorn (a prickly or not-so-fun part of their day).
- Fill a bowl with questions and put it in the middle of the table, and let everyone draw one to answer. There are lots of lists of questions for family mealtimes online!
- While most of us don’t want dinner to become a stiff, formal affair, mealtimes are a good opportunity to practice some good manners. Things like closing your mouth to chew, swallowing before speaking, putting your napkin in your lap, and listening to each other are good basic ways for all of us to practice some social graces.
- The language we use is important. One suggestion from a parent in our group was to ask, “Are you satisfied?” instead of, “Are you full?”
- How do we leave the table? A practice in our family is to begin by saying, “Thank you for the meal” to whomever did the majority of the meal prep. Then we say, “May I please be excused?” to the same person. And they can say no! Occasionally, we ask the child to stay at the table a little longer to continue conversing. After being excused, the person takes their dishes to the dishwasher, and often is asked to clean up something else from the table.
Explore it: A Note from Tami
Over the years I had many conversations in which my college students reflected on their family experiences. I saw how the joy of pleasant interactions stayed with them. But also, the pain of their family mealtime conflicts - between the adults, the children, the adults and child - stayed with them. Making routine meal times a positive experience takes effort, but it is, oh so, worth it.
It is easy to fall into humdrum interactions. Spice up your conversations using some of these topics or table questions.
Over the years I had many conversations in which my college students reflected on their family experiences. I saw how the joy of pleasant interactions stayed with them. But also, the pain of their family mealtime conflicts - between the adults, the children, the adults and child - stayed with them. Making routine meal times a positive experience takes effort, but it is, oh so, worth it.
It is easy to fall into humdrum interactions. Spice up your conversations using some of these topics or table questions.
