SEPTEMBER: A FAMILY MESS; GENESIS 37
Look Closer:
Families are often the setting where we learn how to work through conflict, how to own our actions and apologize for them, how to reconcile, how to compromise, and in general how to get along with each other. And those we are closest with and most comfortable with tend to get the least filtered parts of ourselves. Families often feel messy. And guess what. This is not a 21st century phenomenon! Families have always been messy! The Bible is full of the stories of messy families.
On those days when you feel like your household is a big hot mess, you’re not alone.
This month’s story is about one of the most famous messy families - Jacob, Leah, Rachel, Bilhah, Zilpah, and their children. With a set-up like that, how can it help but be a mess? Today’s passage is just the first part of the story, where everyone makes the missteps that create the saga of reconciliation to come. Depending on your household, you may want to sit in the “ugh” before you move on to the resolution of the next part of the Bible, or you might need to get to that resolution quickly! Either way, this story is full of people missing the mark, and even very young children can quickly identify their poor judgment. And yet…God stuck with this family, even with their big hot mess, and worked through them to be a blessing to many people.
Even in your hardest moments, God is there, sticking with you and making you a blessing.
Spiral Deeper:
Families are often the setting where we learn how to work through conflict, how to own our actions and apologize for them, how to reconcile, how to compromise, and in general how to get along with each other. And those we are closest with and most comfortable with tend to get the least filtered parts of ourselves. Families often feel messy. And guess what. This is not a 21st century phenomenon! Families have always been messy! The Bible is full of the stories of messy families.
On those days when you feel like your household is a big hot mess, you’re not alone.
This month’s story is about one of the most famous messy families - Jacob, Leah, Rachel, Bilhah, Zilpah, and their children. With a set-up like that, how can it help but be a mess? Today’s passage is just the first part of the story, where everyone makes the missteps that create the saga of reconciliation to come. Depending on your household, you may want to sit in the “ugh” before you move on to the resolution of the next part of the Bible, or you might need to get to that resolution quickly! Either way, this story is full of people missing the mark, and even very young children can quickly identify their poor judgment. And yet…God stuck with this family, even with their big hot mess, and worked through them to be a blessing to many people.
Even in your hardest moments, God is there, sticking with you and making you a blessing.
Spiral Deeper:
- Before you read this story, tell it. Then notice what parts you remembered and which parts you left out.
- “Israel” is another name for Jacob. Jacob was given that name after he wrestled with the angel, and it means, “struggles with God.” Eventually, the descendants of Jacob and a whole nation would be given that same name, and that’s the story we’ve adopted. What does it mean for part of our identity to be struggling with God?
- Notice all the complicating factors in the relationship between Joseph and his brothers. Favoritism, tattling, hatred, lack of kind words, bragging…
- The brothers suggest they kill Joseph, then fling him in a pit. This means no proper burial, a deeply felt atrocity.
- Who were the Ishmaelites? This term was used to describe nomadic traders of the time. But if it’s literally people of the tribe of Ishmael, it means these are the brothers’ second cousins.
- Read verse 28. Who are the Midianites? Where did they come from, and do you remember them being in the story? Scholars think there may have been two versions of the text, and rather than completely resolve it, the dissonance was left in there.
- The NRSV translation obscures a key word that’s used over and over in this story. The Hebrew word is hineh, translated as “look” or “behold.” Joseph eagerly uses it over and over in his dream descriptions. It comes back at the end of the story, used to point out the Ishmaelites in verse 25, then when Reuben discovers the empty cistern in verse 29. Why do you think there’s so much “beholding” in the story?
Pray It
God, sometimes we make really big mistakes. Sometimes we don’t treat our family or others like we should. We say and do things that hurt each other.
Help us to see when we hurt each other, give us courage to apologize, and help us do better.
Thank you for sticking with us and helping us stick with each other. Amen.
God, sometimes we make really big mistakes. Sometimes we don’t treat our family or others like we should. We say and do things that hurt each other.
Help us to see when we hurt each other, give us courage to apologize, and help us do better.
Thank you for sticking with us and helping us stick with each other. Amen.
Do It
- Look! Grab a flashlight (or multiple flashlights). Read the story together, and every time a character does something that’s misguided or could hurt others, click the flashlight on. Pause and name what just happened.
- Cleaning up the Mess: Find something that needs a good, thorough cleaning - something that’s obviously dirty. Take a big bowl or tub of soapy water outside and let your child have at it! What made the object such a mess? It probably wasn’t anything good or bad, things just need a good cleaning sometimes. Notice the difference between how it looked before and after. Sometimes cleaning things up takes a lot of work. Tell the story of Joseph’s family as you work.
- Restoration: Find something that’s broken and needs repair, and fix it together. Again, tell the story of Joseph’s family as you work. Talk about how this object you’re fixing will be now. Will it be like new? Will it be a little flawed? Can you see where it was repaired? Can it be used like it was before or will its function change? When we hurt each other and break relationships, God wants to help us repair them. We may still see the cracks, and things may not just be like they were before. But God can always help us restore relationships.
- Own Our Mistakes: This is an intentional practice for everyone in a family, and it begins with the parents and caregivers. When we make mistakes or hurt others, it’s important to see those things, apologize for them, and do better. Our goal is, of course, to recognize these things in the moment and correct them. But we often only recognize our mistakes later. Try some confessional time at the end of the day. As a household, examine the day and let each person note where they wish they had done better. Try it for a week and see if it changes any patterns in your household. Again, we can’t emphasize enough the need for grown-ups to set this example!
Explore It: Notes from Tami
I grew up believing that any discord or stress in family relationships (or in any other relationship, for that matter) was automatically very BAD. I had a difficult time coping with or knowing how to handle conflict - to the point that I simply denied its existence! Learning to face and deal positively with conflict required work and didn’t happen overnight. Most of us could probably benefit from gaining greater skills in this area.
I grew up believing that any discord or stress in family relationships (or in any other relationship, for that matter) was automatically very BAD. I had a difficult time coping with or knowing how to handle conflict - to the point that I simply denied its existence! Learning to face and deal positively with conflict required work and didn’t happen overnight. Most of us could probably benefit from gaining greater skills in this area.
- Conflict is Normal; It's the Repair That Matters This article provides excellent insights into how to navigate the tension and disconnection that inevitably happen in our family relationships.
- Real Families Are Messy This short article reaffirms the reality that none of us live in the idealized family - families just are messy!
